Dear All!
If you are reading this, a massive thank you right now for visiting my blog and welcome to what I hope will be a positive, empowering project with the help of every single one of you.
I thought of writing my story through different chapters to further analyse the situation and give some tips as I go.
Depression; described by the Mental Health Foundation (Mental Health Foundation, 2018) as "a common mental health problem that causes people to experience low mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration".
Anxiety, described by Anxiety UK (Anxiety UK, 2018) as " a normal, if unpleasant, part of life, and it can affect us all in different ways and at different times. Whereas stress is something that will come and go as the external factor causing it (be it a work, relationship or money problems, etc.) comes and goes, anxiety is something that can persist whether or not the cause is clear to the sufferer."
Seeing these two conditions written in a GP letter in September 2018 put things into perspective.
18th May 2018 was the first day I presented to my GP complaining of low mood. I was unsure what I was expecting out of this appointment but I felt like I needed to tell my GP what was going on.
I felt extremely anxious waiting for this appointment, it would be the first time I was seeking help for something that even I felt ridiculous talking about. Who actually goes to their GP to say "oh yeah I've been "sad" for quite a few days".
As I sat there waiting, it felt like the minutes were going by so slowly. Looking back at it now, all the physiological symptoms were there:
- My legs were shivering (much like they are now as I'm writing this, vividly remembering that day in my head),
- My heart felt like it was pounding,
- Tears wanted to fall down my face; I was feeling overwhelmed of how long it was taking, even though I was just there for a matter of minutes,
- My breathing was heavy, despite how much I was trying to control it as not to cry.
I was finally called, I entered the room barely analysing anything. I sat down and straight away she asked me "how can I help you today". That was it! That was all it took for a stream of tears to start rolling down my face, just a simple "how can I help you today".
In my mind I was thinking of how ridiculous I looked, she could not even get a phrase out of me without me starting to cry. On the system was that the reason for my appointment as "mental health", so I hoped she would be patient and understanding to let me take my time as I could not speak with all those tears rolling down my face. Thankfully, she did.
I managed to talk to her to explain how I had been feeling low for a variety of days. In my head was all due to exam stress. It was around exam period I particularly started having these feelings. I worked extremely hard on this exam, only to have the best grade in my class much to my surprise.
It could only be because of this right? I had pushed myself too hard and now it was taking a toll on me. That was my thought process, and so was my boyfriends at the time.
(FYI one of my bad habits: I am too hard on myself!)
We left it as that:
Cause: Possible exam stress
Recommendations: Come back for a review appointment in 3 weeks
Go through the tiny list she gave me of things to try until then
IAPT (Improving Access to psychological therapies), and by this she meant talking therapies.
Find your nearest service at: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/ just write Psychological therapies (IAPT) and your postcode.
You can also self refer to talking therapies (I have after much thought about it and I am currently working on their modules) at: https://www.talkingtherapies.berkshire.nhs.uk/
Mindfulness- https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mindfulness/
Headspace App- Available on AppStore and GooglePlay- https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app
Exercise
Spoiler Alert: I tried the Headspace App and exercise (after a while...) but I never went back after 3 weeks for a review appointment.
BIG MISTAKE! Never underestimate how you are feeling like I did! It will only get worse. Listen to your GP or whichever support structures you have!
References:
Mental Health Foundation (2018) Depression. Available at: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression (Accessed: 28 January 2019).
AnxietyUK (2018) Anxiety conditions. Available at: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/anxiety-information/ (Accessed: 28 January 2019)
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