Growing up mental health was something I tended to laugh off, never take seriously and I’ll even admit I mocked it. Growing up I was just normal lad who played football and rugby and lived a normal life. I decided like most young people 10 years ago to join the army as I came from a forced background. After a few years of being in, serving in Afghanistan and enjoy my job I suffered an injury. I was medically discharged and had to give up a career that I loved. When I left I literally had no idea what I was going to do, there’s not much work for someone who can operate an armoured vehicle. I also struggled with civilian life and adjusting to a new way of life all together. I started struggling with sleep, I had nothing to get out of bed for, any job I did have I found boring and struggled with office work yet I was doing well as a recruiter but I couldn’t see it myself.
In 3 years I went through 4 different jobs just because I was feeling bored. I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough and I was failing in life when others around me were doing well. It got the to point where I was pushing people away and looking for an argument with anyone or even when I was going out for a drink I’d see an opportunity for a fight just get some sort of adrenaline rush, I bottled everything up and never wanted to talk about anything in the fear of being labelled weak. Once being this soldier who got a thrill out of going ops to someone who was scared of being alone but at the same time didn’t want to be around anyone. I felt I was an embarrassment and was a failure to everyone.
One day I felt completely restless, every thing had got on top of me and decided I didn’t want to live anymore and took myself to a motorway bridge and throw myself of it. Fortunately I was talked down by a young couple and sectioned in A&E for 24 hours. I felt so ashamed what I had done or was deciding to do and didn’t want to face my family and the thought of being sent to a mental health unit scared me. Due to me being a veteran I was fast tracked to getting the help I needed and actually opening up instead of bottling things up really helped.
2 years later I still have my days where I’m quiet but I’m back to being into fitness, back to challenging myself with hiking and hill walking and loving my job. I will always say to people sometimes in life you have to go through the shittest of times but there is always good at the end of it.
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